People Pleasing – Why it harms us to want to please everyone
People pleasing is a term that describes when someone wants to please everyone. Such people try to fulfill the expectations of others without paying attention to their own needs. They often say “yes” even when they actually mean “no”. At first glance, this seems nice and considerate. But in the long run, this behavior can be unhealthy.
What is behind People Pleasing?
There are often deeper fears behind the desire to please everyone. Many people pleasers are afraid of rejection or conflict. They want to be loved and recognized and believe that they can only achieve this if they are always friendly and don’t cause any trouble.
This behavior can be learned as early as childhood. If we only received praise as children when we were well-behaved and conformed, this pattern can continue into adulthood.
The consequences of people pleasing
If we are constantly trying to fulfill the expectations of others, our own needs fall by the wayside.
This often leads to people pleasers being exhausted or feeling emotionally drained. They do a lot for others, but often don’t get the same recognition in return. In the long term, this can lead to frustration and even depression.
Another problem is that people pleasers are often not authentic. They pretend to please others and suppress their own desires and opinions. As a result, they feel empty inside or have the feeling that they are not themselves.
How to recognize people pleasing
People who often “people please” show typical behaviors:
1. they say yes to everything – even if they don’t have the time or inclination.
2. they are afraid of conflict and avoid any confrontation.
3. they are constantly looking for confirmation and feel bad when they don’t get any.
4. they put the needs of others before their own and feel guilty when they think about themselves.
How can you break out of the pattern?
The first step to overcoming people pleasing is to recognize it in the first place. Many people don’t even realize that they have this pattern because it is completely normal for them. Basically, we should all realize that it’s okay to reject something.
It is important that we know and respect our own limits. This does not mean that we suddenly become selfish, but that we learn to take good care of ourselves.
Here are a few tips on how to let go of people pleasing:
1. set clear boundaries: Think about what you really want and learn to say “no” kindly but firmly.
2. practise self-care: make sure that you regularly take time for yourself and do things that are good for you.
3. accept that you can’t please everyone: It’s impossible to please everyone, and that’s okay. You are not responsible for the happiness of others.
4. learn to deal with conflict: Conflicts are a part of life and it is important not to be afraid of them. They often even lead to better communication and more understanding.
Conclusion
People pleasing may seem like a friendly trait at first glance, but in the long run it harms us.
It is important that we learn to recognize our own needs and not constantly orient ourselves to the expectations of others.
A healthy level of self-care and setting boundaries helps us to lead a fulfilled and authentic life.
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All the best from your PaarGespräch team
