PaarGespräch

Tag: love

  • Let’s talk about sex, baby!

    Fantasies, kinks, fetishes…

    Sexuality is diverse, and there are many different ways in which people can experience their sexuality. You often hear terms like “kinks” and “fetishes”, but what do they actually mean? In this article, we’ll give you an overview of different types of sexual play. Have fun reading 🙂

    What are kinks?

    Kinks are sexual preferences or fantasies that lie outside of what is considered traditional sex. Everyone has different sexual preferences, and kinks are simply something that you personally enjoy or find arousing. An example of a kink would be playing with power and control, as in role play or so-called “BDSM” (bondage, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism).

    What are fetishes?

    A fetish is a particular type of kink in which a specific thing, object or body part triggers a strong sexual attraction. People with a fetish are often particularly attracted to a certain detail. For example, this could be a fetish for feet, leather or certain items of clothing such as stockings. For some people, a fetish is an important part of their sexual arousal.

    Other types of sexual play

    In addition to kinks and fetishes, there are many other ways to explore your own sexuality:

    – Role play: Here the partners slip into different roles, for example teacher-student, doctor-patient or other fantasies. The aim is to slip into a new role and have fun doing it.

    – BDSM: BDSM is a form of play in which power, control and sometimes pain are an important part of the experience. It is important that all participants set clear rules and boundaries and that all actions are based on mutual consent.

    – Sensual games: It can also simply be about experiencing new sensations, for example by touching, massaging or using soft fabrics or feathers. Such games can help to heighten the senses and experience a more intense feeling of closeness.

    Our sex-positive attitude: everything is allowed as long as it is consensual

    At PaarGespräch, we make it clear that – apart from criminal, harmful acts – there is no “right” or “wrong” way to experience sexuality. The important thing is that everyone involved has fun, feels safe and that everything is consensual. Sexuality is a personal thing and every preference is justified as long as it is respectful and based on mutual consent.

    Sexuality is a natural and beautiful part of life, and it’s perfectly fine if you like kinks, fetishes or other sexual play. There are no hard and fast rules – what matters is that you and your partner feel comfortable talking openly about your desires.

    Exercise for couples: discover your preferences!

    1. sit down together: Take your time in a calm, relaxed atmosphere.

    2. talk about your preferences: One by one, each of you share what you like sexually. These can be things you’ve tried before or new things that interest you. There are no wrong answers, and it’s important that you listen to each other without judging.

    3. create a “yes-no-maybe” list: Write the headings “Yes”, “No” and “Maybe” on three pieces of paper. Then write down the things you would like to try out in your sexuality. Things you definitely want to try go on the “Yes” list, things you’re not interested in go on the “No” list, and things you’re unsure about go on the “Maybe” list.

    4. exchange your lists: Compare your lists and talk about what you could try together. This helps to better understand your desires and gives you the opportunity to explore new things in your sexuality.

    5 Try it out: Once you’ve both agreed on something you’d like to try, make a plan for how you can implement it into your sex life. It’s not about trying everything right away, but about discovering new things step by step.

    This exercise can help you get closer and talk openly about your sexual needs. Sexuality is an important part of every relationship, and through communication you can make it even more beautiful and fulfilling.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from the PaarGespräch team

  • Relationships are diverse!

    And that’s a good thing 🙂

    There are many different ways in which people structure their relationships. The important thing is that both partners are happy and decide together what works best for them. In this article, we explain the most important types of relationship and why they all have their place.

    Monogamous relationship

    A monogamous relationship means that two people are together and only have a romantic or sexual relationship with this partner. This is the most common form of relationship in many parts of the world. The (usually idealized) idea behind it is that both partners give enough to each other and do not need other relationships.

    Sequential monogamy

    Sequential monogamy means that someone only has one partner at a time, but enters into several relationships in succession over the course of their life. This form of monogamy is very common in Western cultures. People are in a committed relationship for a while and when it ends, they start a new relationship with someone else. The new relationship often replaces the existing one, and infidelity and affairs are also common in monogamous cultures: on average, worldwide studies show that around 20-25% of people in monogamous relationships cheat at least once in the course of their lives.

    Some surveys and studies also give higher figures:

    – In men, the rate is often around 20-30%, while in women it is around 15-25%.

    – The differences between the sexes have become smaller in recent years, as women increasingly have similar figures to men.

    (Note: It is important to note that the actual rate may vary depending on the definition of “cheating” (emotional cheating, online affairs, physical affairs, etc.) and the willingness of respondents to answer honestly)

    The reasons for this are manifold and have already been looked at from an evolutionary-biological perspective in recent articles, for example. If you have any further questions, please contact your AI therapist at PaarGespräch!

    Open relationship

    In an open relationship, the partners are together in a relationship that is prioritized by both parties, but they have the freedom – depending on their mutual agreement – to also have romantic or sexual relationships with other people: So they go on dates together, to the swingers club or allow themselves the freedom to have individual trysts with people outside the relationship. It is important that both partners agree on this and set clear rules. Trust and open communication are very important here so that no misunderstandings arise.

    Polyamorous relationship

    In a polyamorous relationship, people have more than one romantic and/or sexual relationship at the same time. Unlike in an open relationship, all partners are emotionally connected and the relationships often have equal importance in the lives of the partners. Polyamory means that someone can love several people at the same time and that all the people involved know about it and agree. Here too, trust and communication are crucial.

    Is there a “right” kind of relationship?

    There is no “right” or “wrong” type of relationship. What works for some does not necessarily work for everyone. Some people feel most comfortable in a monogamous relationship, others prefer an open relationship or polyamory. Sequential monogamy shows that many people have several relationships over the course of their lives, but are still faithful to one partner at a time. It is important that both partners feel comfortable in their relationship and talk openly with each other.

    PaarGespräch’s position on this topic:

    PaarGespräch stands for the absolute openness to try out and accept different forms of relationships. Every relationship is unique and it is important that people find what works for them. Whether monogamous, open, polyamorous or sequentially monogamous – all forms of relationship have their place as long as respect, love and honesty are at the forefront.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best, your team from PaarGespräch

  • Long-term relationships and self-realization

    How relationships change and why personal goals are important.

    A long-term relationship can be very beautiful and fulfilling. But over time, both the relationship and the people in it change. An important aspect of being happy in a long-term relationship is the balance between the relationship and self-fulfillment. But why is this so important? And how does a relationship develop over time?

    Why is self-fulfillment important in a long-term relationship?

    Self-realization means that each person can pursue their own goals and dreams. In a good relationship, it is important that both partners not only feel comfortable in the relationship, but can also develop as individuals. If one of you feels like you have to give yourself up for the relationship, this can lead to dissatisfaction.

    self-realization of the partners:

    Personal happiness: Each of you has your own goals and dreams. When these are fulfilled, you are happier and more satisfied – and this has a positive effect on the relationship.

    A breath of fresh air for the relationship: When both partners pursue their interests, they constantly bring new ideas and experiences into the relationship. This makes your partnership exciting. Couples often experience a high time, especially sexually, when both are allowed to pursue their own goals.

    Maintain balance: If each of you keeps your own identity, the relationship remains in balance. Neither of you becomes emotionally or practically dependent on the other.

    Long-term happiness: A relationship in which both partners can realize themselves has a better chance of remaining happy for a long time.

    How do long-term relationships generally develop?

    Long-term relationships change over time. There are different phases that you go through together. In each phase, there are changes that strengthen and adapt the relationship.

    1. the infatuation phase: It all starts with romance. You are excited to discover each other and everything feels intense. In this phase, you are often completely focused on each other.

    2 Everyday life and routine: No matter how stormy the beginning was, everyday life becomes more important over time. This shows how you master everyday life together without losing closeness and affection. Self-realization is also important here. If each of you has time for your own interests, this will strengthen your relationship.

    3. reality check and first crises: After a while, you realize that the other person is not perfect. Conflicts may arise between your handbook of the other person and your own basic assumptions and needs. Now it is important to talk to each other and solve problems together. This is the time when CoupleTalk can enter your lives 🙂

    4. growth and change: Over the years, you will grow together and perhaps experience big changes, such as changing jobs, having children, moving house or getting older. It is important that you support each other through this and at the same time leave room for your own development.

    5. rediscovery: In later phases, you can rediscover each other. After many years, you know exactly what the other person needs and appreciates. Now the relationship is deep and familiar.

    How can you balance self-realization and relationships?

    It’s not always easy to find the right balance between your relationship and your self-fulfillment. Here are a few tips that can help you:

    1. talk openly: Talk regularly about your dreams, wishes and goals. For example, do the relationship wheel regularly. This way you avoid misunderstandings and can support each other.

    2. goals for you as a couple and as individuals: It is important to have common goals, but also to pursue your own goals. Both need space in your lives.

    3. time for yourself: Each of you should make time to pursue your own interests. This could be a hobby, further training or simply time for yourself.

    4. support each other: show interest in each other’s goals and help each other to achieve them. If you support each other, you can grow together.

    5 Stay flexible: Over time, your needs may change. Be open to change and adapt to new situations as a couple.

    Conclusion

    Long-term relationships are special because they can offer deep love and a strong connection. But they also require work and adjustment. Self-realization is very important to stay happy. If each of you can go your own way and have a strong relationship at the same time, your partnership will remain vibrant and fulfilling. A healthy long-term relationship is a balance of personal growth and life together – and that’s what makes it so beautiful.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • The 5 languages of love

    How couples can understand each other better

    Everyone shows and feels love in different ways. Sometimes couples have the feeling that they don’t really understand each other, even though they love each other. The reason for this could be that they speak “different languages of love”. This idea comes from Dr. Gary Chapman, an American anthropologist and couples therapist, who discovered five different ways in which people express and receive love. He called these ways the five languages of love.

    The five languages of love

    1. words of appreciation: Some people feel especially loved when they hear compliments or kind words. A simple “I love you” or “Thank you for doing so much for me” can show them how important they are.

    2. togetherness: It is important for others to spend time together . This is not just about being together, but about giving your partner your full attention – without distractions.

    3. gifts: Small gifts or tokens of appreciation can send a strong message. It is not about the value of the gift, but about the fact that you have thought of the other person.

    4. helpfulness: Some people feel loved when their partner helps them in everyday life, be it with the washing up or other tasks. These acts show that you are there for each other.

    5. physical touch: For many, physical closeness – such as sex, hugs, kisses or simply holding hands – is the most important way to feel love.

    How can you discover your partner’s love language?

    Everyone has a preferred love language that means the most to them. If you know your partner’s language, you can show them your love in a way that makes them especially happy. Here’s a simple exercise for you to do as a couple:

    Exercise: Discover your love languages

    1. talk to each other

    Sit down together and read through the five love languages. Think about which language appeals to you the most. Maybe you speak several languages 🙂 What does the other person do that makes you particularly happy? What do you perhaps miss?

    2. share your thoughts

    Talk openly about your favorite love language. It can sound like this: “I feel very loved when you help me because it shows that you’re thinking of me” or “I really appreciate it when we just spend time together.”

    3. try it out

    Over the next week, try to speak each other’s love language. If your partner values togetherness, plan an activity together where you spend time together. If he is happy about words of appreciation, give him a small compliment every day.

    4. reflect at the end of the week

    At the end of the week, sit down together again and talk about how you felt. What did you particularly enjoy? What can you improve on in the future? Give this exercise a try – it could take your relationship to a whole new level!

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • Beliefs and their origins

    – How they shape our lives and how we can change them

    Beliefs are deeply rooted convictions that we develop in the course of our lives. They influence how we see ourselves and the world around us. You could also say that they are the operating system of our brain; therapists also refer to them as basic assumptions, which form the basis of all our thought constructs like a “thought foundation” .

    Beliefs can support us – or stand in our way. Negative and dysfunctional beliefs in particular have a major influence on our self-image and our relationships.

    Source: flickr.com/ Dennis Skley

    What are beliefs and how do they arise?

    Beliefs are usually formed in childhood and adolescence. They are formed through our experiences, i.e. what our parents, teachers or friends tell us, and through the way we interact with the world. A simple example of a positive belief would be: “I am valuable.” A negative belief could be: “I am not good enough.”

    Our beliefs act like a pair of glasses through which we view the world. For example, if we have internalized the belief “I will always fail”, we will have exactly this expectation in many situations – even if the reality is completely different. Such beliefs can block us and cause us to sabotage ourselves.

    Negative and dysfunctional beliefs

    Dysfunctional beliefs are convictions that limit us in our lives. They can arise from traumatic experiences, criticism or repeated failures. Examples of such beliefs are

    – “I am not worthy of being loved.”

    – “I will always fail.”

    – “Other people are not trustworthy.”

    These beliefs often lead to negative feelings such as fear, guilt or shame. They prevent us from taking on new challenges or having fulfilling relationships.

    How to change beliefs

    Recognizing and changing dysfunctional beliefs is a central component of many therapeutic approaches, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). CBT is about identifying our negative thought patterns and replacing them with positive, more realistic beliefs.

    The first step is to become aware of your beliefs. They are often so deeply rooted in us that we no longer question them. One question you can ask yourself is: “What do I believe about myself in this situation?”

    Once a belief has been identified, it helps to question it. Is it really true that I “always fail”? Can’t I also find situations in which I was successful? By asking ourselves these questions, we loosen the power that these beliefs have over us.

    Exercise for couples: recognizing beliefs in the relationship

    Beliefs play a major role in our relationships. They influence how we perceive and communicate with each other. Based on our operating system, we create a kind of manual for how we see and evaluate ourselves and our partner in relationships.

    The following exercise will help you explore your beliefs and share your common convictions:

    Step 1: Each partner sits down in a quiet place and writes down two or three beliefs they have about relationships in general or about their own partnership. Examples could be:

    – “If I open up, I get hurt.”

    – “My partner should always know how I’m doing without me having to tell them.”

    Step 2: Talk about these beliefs. Make sure you listen without judging. Ask each other: “Where does this belief come from? What could be the origin?”

    Step 3: Consider together whether these beliefs are good for the relationship or whether they are perhaps a hindrance. Are there any beliefs that you would like to change together?

    Step 4: Develop positive, supportive beliefs that you would like to adopt as a couple. Examples could be:

    – “We can both be vulnerable and talk about it.”

    – “I can trust my partner and ask him openly for support.”

    This exercise helps couples to delve deeper into their relationship dynamics and develop beliefs that strengthen trust and closeness.

    Conclusion

    Beliefs shape our lives in many different ways. Dysfunctional beliefs in particular can have a negative impact on our well-being and relationships. However, through conscious reflection and with the help of therapeutic techniques, we can change these beliefs and lead a more fulfilling life. This exercise for couples shows how beliefs also play a role in relationships – and how we can change them for the better together.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • “Kissing with open eyes” – an exercise for more closeness and intimacy

    Have you ever heard that kissing with your eyes open can be an exciting and intense experience? It may sound unusual at first, because most people automatically close their eyes when kissing.

    Does that sound interesting? Then read on and try it out for yourself!

    Why “kissing with open eyes”?

    David Schnarch is a well-known expert in couples therapy and researches how couples can grow closer together. One of the techniques he recommends is “kissing with your eyes open”. Why? Because it takes courage to look at the other person so directly and show vulnerability. This exercise is challenging because it is unfamiliar – but that is exactly what makes it so powerful.

    By looking into each other’s eyes when we kiss, we learn to be fully present in intimacy. We are not hiding, but really opening up to each other. It is a way of deepening the emotional connection and showing: “I am here, I see you and I let you see me.”

    The instructions: This is how it works!

    **Step 1: Find a quiet moment**

    Find a moment when you are both relaxed and have time for each other. Perhaps an evening for two where you can concentrate on each other. It’s important that you’re not stressed and that you feel comfortable.

    **Step 2: Stand opposite each other**

    Stand in front of your partner and stand comfortably. You can stand close to each other, but make sure that you can look each other in the eye.

    **Step 3: Connect through eye contact**

    Before you kiss, look deeply into each other’s eyes for a few seconds. It may feel a little unfamiliar or even strange at first, but try to embrace the moment. Allow the initial nervousness to dissipate.

    **Step 4: Start kissing each other – with your eyes open**

    Now comes the crucial moment: you start kissing, but keep your eyes open. Try to keep looking into each other’s eyes during the kiss. At first, you may feel the urge to close your eyes – this is completely normal. Notice it and make a conscious decision to keep your eyes open.

    **Step 5: Feel what happens**

    While you are kissing, consciously notice the feelings and thoughts that arise within you. Do you perhaps feel vulnerable or particularly connected

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • “The embrace until relaxation” according to David Schnarch

    The therapeutic exercise “The Embrace to Relaxation” comes from the well-known American psychologist and couples therapist David Schnarch. He developed this method to help couples build a deeper connection with each other and at the same time release emotional blockages. This exercise is simple to do, but has a deep psychological background and can have a powerful effect on the relationship.

    What is the hug to relaxation?

    The exercise itself is simple: a couple hugs each other until both partners relax completely. The embrace should be calm and mindful, without words or other distractions.
    In many relationships, it often happens that partners either seek too much closeness in emotional or stressful situations or withdraw in order to protect themselves. However, both behaviors prevent a deep emotional connection. Embracing to the point of relaxation is one method of correcting this imbalance.

    Why is this exercise effective?

    1. physical closeness without distraction: Most couples are often physically close, but rarely in such a conscious and focused way.

    2. overcoming fear and insecurity: By learning to endure tension instead of reacting immediately, both partners develop more emotional strength and self-confidence in the relationship. This exercise helps to reduce emotional dependency and take more responsibility for your own well-being.

    3. deeper bond: When both partners manage to relax together, the bond between them deepens. This creates a feeling of security and stability that also radiates to other aspects of the relationship.

    How it works:

    Both partners stand upright and hold each other without pressure, but firmly in their arms. The embrace lasts until both partners can relax physically and emotionally.

    Now observe: How are you standing? Are you leaning heavily on each other? What happens when one partner moves and changes position? Is everyone standing on their own with their feet firmly on the ground or are you leaning heavily on each other?

    Conclusion

    “The embrace to relaxation” is a simple but very effective exercise that helps couples to experience emotional and physical closeness in a deeper and more conscious way. It strengthens trust in the relationship and, through reflection, promotes a balance between individual autonomy and shared closeness.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team