Development or standstill?
Sex life can change in a long-term relationship. Many couples experience that spontaneous passion diminishes after a while. However, this does not mean that sex is automatically lost in a long-term relationship. On the contrary – it can develop further if both partners actively work on it.
Why is your sex life changing?
In the first months or years of a relationship, everything is exciting and new. Sexual attraction is often very strong. Everything is new and exciting and still a little uncertain – dopamine levels are high. But as time goes on, everyday life becomes more important, and ocytoxin, the bonding hormone, takes the place of adrenaline and dopamine. The result: spontaneous sexual tension can diminish. Stress, routines or physical changes can also play a role here.
But that doesn’t mean that sex is becoming less important. It just changes. Couples who have been together for a long time should consciously work on their intimacy. This can mean making time for each other, trying out new things and – above all – talking to each other about their desires and needs.
Sex is active cooperation
Sex in a long-term relationship is not like at the beginning, where everything happens almost automatically. Couples need to create time and space for their physical closeness. First of all, this means that both partners should be willing to develop their sexual relationship: If one person in the relationship isn’t interested in sharing, it’s going to be very difficult! It’s not just about the physical act, but also about staying emotionally close as a couple.
It is important to talk openly about sex. The experience of our work at PaarGespräch shows this: Many remain silent out of fear or insecurity. But talking about desires, fears and fantasies can strengthen the bond. This means that sex is an area of the relationship that needs to be nurtured – just like everything else. After all, we also take time to plan our lunch or our vacation – so why not our sex life?
Exercise: Talk about your sex life
1. sit down together in peace – take at least 30 minutes in which you will not be disturbed.
2. everyone speaks in turn – one person starts and tells how he or she is experiencing their current sex life. What is going well? How does the person currently feel about sex as a couple? With monogamy? Where might there be uncertainties? Are there any desires? Or perhaps a long-held fantasy?
3. the other person listens actively – no interruptions, just listen and try to understand. You are also welcome to take notes so that you don’t forget anything.
4 Exchange ideas!
Once you have both been able to make your statements in peace, you can talk together about what you each heard and understood. Did you really understand each other? Are there any ambiguities?
Only then can you pick out points that you might want to change or what is particularly important to you.
This exercise can help you to talk about sex in a relaxed atmosphere. It’s about talking to each other openly and without pressure and working on your intimacy together.
Conclusion
Sex in long-term relationships does not have to become less important. With a little effort, open discussions and a willingness to try out new things, the sexual connection can remain alive for many years – with the support of PaarGespräch, this exchange can also take place together with our AI therapist.
Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?
Then get the app now and start today!
All the best from your PaarGespräch team
