PaarGespräch

Tag: conflict_resolution

  • Trust – but real trust!

    Trust and pseudo-trust: What’s the difference?

    Trust is an important part of our lives. Without trust, relationships and communities cannot function well. But not everything that looks like trust is real trust. Sometimes we deceive ourselves and think we trust, when in reality it’s just “pseudo-trust”. In this article, we take a closer look at what real trust is and what it is not. We refer to two well-known experts: Esther Perel and Rachel Botsman.

    What is trust?

    Trust means that we can rely on someone. It means that we believe the other person will not deliberately hurt or disappoint us. Trust is therefore something very valuable and fragile. Once destroyed, it takes a lot of energy to rebuild it.

    Couples therapist Esther Perel speaks of “first trust”. We often acquire this first trust in childhood when we rely on our parents or caregivers. This trust is the basis for being able to trust other people later on. The German term for this is “Urvertrauen”. This original trust shapes our entire life. Basically, this is a wonderful thing and is the basis for healthy basic assumptions such as “I can rely on others”.

    However, the concept of first trust always presents us with a problem when our partner behaves in a hurtful way. This is when many a relationship partner hits rock bottom.

    What is pseudo-trust?

    The trust we have is not always genuine trust. Sometimes we live our relationships in so-called “pseudo-trust”. We think we trust someone, but in reality we do not. Instead, we assume that the person we are in a relationship with will NEVER hurt us. The psychological background to this may be that we don’t actually feel safe, but simply pretend that everything is fine. Pseudo-trust can arise because we want to avoid conflict or are afraid of being hurt. Esther Perel describes: ” In relationships, trust isn’t a promise to never hurt each other. It’s the risk that we will hurt each other and the confidence that, if we do, we will come together to heal.” This can be translated roughly as follows: “(Genuine) Trust in a relationship does not mean that you promise never to hurt the other person. Rather, it is about being aware that you could hurt each other, but trusting that you will then work together to heal the wounds. ” You can find out exactly what Esther Perel describes here below:

    Trust expert Rachel Botsman has developed an interesting concept for this. She says that real trust consists of small “moments of trust”. This means that real trust is not something that is there all at once and then stays. Rather, it is built up in small steps. Whenever someone shows us that we can trust them, our trust grows. Rachel Botsman emphasizes that real trust is based on honesty and openness.

    The difference between trust and pseudo-trust

    The difference between trust and pseudo-trust lies in how honest and open we really are. With real trust, we feel safe because the other person shows us that they are honest. Pseudo-trust arises when we try to overlook problems or avoid conflicts.

    Trust means:

    – Honesty

    – Security

    – Openness

    means pseudo-trust:

    – Avoidance of conflicts

    – Uncertainty

    – Insincerity

    How can we build real trust?

    To build real trust, we must be willing to be honest, even if it is uncomfortable. It means admitting mistakes to ourselves and others and talking about our feelings. Trust grows when we show each other that we are reliable.

    Trust is not something that is simply there – it is built up step by step. If we repeatedly show each other in small moments that we can rely on each other, real trust grows.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • Long-term relationships and self-realization

    How relationships change and why personal goals are important.

    A long-term relationship can be very beautiful and fulfilling. But over time, both the relationship and the people in it change. An important aspect of being happy in a long-term relationship is the balance between the relationship and self-fulfillment. But why is this so important? And how does a relationship develop over time?

    Why is self-fulfillment important in a long-term relationship?

    Self-realization means that each person can pursue their own goals and dreams. In a good relationship, it is important that both partners not only feel comfortable in the relationship, but can also develop as individuals. If one of you feels like you have to give yourself up for the relationship, this can lead to dissatisfaction.

    self-realization of the partners:

    Personal happiness: Each of you has your own goals and dreams. When these are fulfilled, you are happier and more satisfied – and this has a positive effect on the relationship.

    A breath of fresh air for the relationship: When both partners pursue their interests, they constantly bring new ideas and experiences into the relationship. This makes your partnership exciting. Couples often experience a high time, especially sexually, when both are allowed to pursue their own goals.

    Maintain balance: If each of you keeps your own identity, the relationship remains in balance. Neither of you becomes emotionally or practically dependent on the other.

    Long-term happiness: A relationship in which both partners can realize themselves has a better chance of remaining happy for a long time.

    How do long-term relationships generally develop?

    Long-term relationships change over time. There are different phases that you go through together. In each phase, there are changes that strengthen and adapt the relationship.

    1. the infatuation phase: It all starts with romance. You are excited to discover each other and everything feels intense. In this phase, you are often completely focused on each other.

    2 Everyday life and routine: No matter how stormy the beginning was, everyday life becomes more important over time. This shows how you master everyday life together without losing closeness and affection. Self-realization is also important here. If each of you has time for your own interests, this will strengthen your relationship.

    3. reality check and first crises: After a while, you realize that the other person is not perfect. Conflicts may arise between your handbook of the other person and your own basic assumptions and needs. Now it is important to talk to each other and solve problems together. This is the time when CoupleTalk can enter your lives 🙂

    4. growth and change: Over the years, you will grow together and perhaps experience big changes, such as changing jobs, having children, moving house or getting older. It is important that you support each other through this and at the same time leave room for your own development.

    5. rediscovery: In later phases, you can rediscover each other. After many years, you know exactly what the other person needs and appreciates. Now the relationship is deep and familiar.

    How can you balance self-realization and relationships?

    It’s not always easy to find the right balance between your relationship and your self-fulfillment. Here are a few tips that can help you:

    1. talk openly: Talk regularly about your dreams, wishes and goals. For example, do the relationship wheel regularly. This way you avoid misunderstandings and can support each other.

    2. goals for you as a couple and as individuals: It is important to have common goals, but also to pursue your own goals. Both need space in your lives.

    3. time for yourself: Each of you should make time to pursue your own interests. This could be a hobby, further training or simply time for yourself.

    4. support each other: show interest in each other’s goals and help each other to achieve them. If you support each other, you can grow together.

    5 Stay flexible: Over time, your needs may change. Be open to change and adapt to new situations as a couple.

    Conclusion

    Long-term relationships are special because they can offer deep love and a strong connection. But they also require work and adjustment. Self-realization is very important to stay happy. If each of you can go your own way and have a strong relationship at the same time, your partnership will remain vibrant and fulfilling. A healthy long-term relationship is a balance of personal growth and life together – and that’s what makes it so beautiful.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • The 5 languages of love

    How couples can understand each other better

    Everyone shows and feels love in different ways. Sometimes couples have the feeling that they don’t really understand each other, even though they love each other. The reason for this could be that they speak “different languages of love”. This idea comes from Dr. Gary Chapman, an American anthropologist and couples therapist, who discovered five different ways in which people express and receive love. He called these ways the five languages of love.

    The five languages of love

    1. words of appreciation: Some people feel especially loved when they hear compliments or kind words. A simple “I love you” or “Thank you for doing so much for me” can show them how important they are.

    2. togetherness: It is important for others to spend time together . This is not just about being together, but about giving your partner your full attention – without distractions.

    3. gifts: Small gifts or tokens of appreciation can send a strong message. It is not about the value of the gift, but about the fact that you have thought of the other person.

    4. helpfulness: Some people feel loved when their partner helps them in everyday life, be it with the washing up or other tasks. These acts show that you are there for each other.

    5. physical touch: For many, physical closeness – such as sex, hugs, kisses or simply holding hands – is the most important way to feel love.

    How can you discover your partner’s love language?

    Everyone has a preferred love language that means the most to them. If you know your partner’s language, you can show them your love in a way that makes them especially happy. Here’s a simple exercise for you to do as a couple:

    Exercise: Discover your love languages

    1. talk to each other

    Sit down together and read through the five love languages. Think about which language appeals to you the most. Maybe you speak several languages 🙂 What does the other person do that makes you particularly happy? What do you perhaps miss?

    2. share your thoughts

    Talk openly about your favorite love language. It can sound like this: “I feel very loved when you help me because it shows that you’re thinking of me” or “I really appreciate it when we just spend time together.”

    3. try it out

    Over the next week, try to speak each other’s love language. If your partner values togetherness, plan an activity together where you spend time together. If he is happy about words of appreciation, give him a small compliment every day.

    4. reflect at the end of the week

    At the end of the week, sit down together again and talk about how you felt. What did you particularly enjoy? What can you improve on in the future? Give this exercise a try – it could take your relationship to a whole new level!

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • People pleasing

    People Pleasing – Why it harms us to want to please everyone

    People pleasing is a term that describes when someone wants to please everyone. Such people try to fulfill the expectations of others without paying attention to their own needs. They often say “yes” even when they actually mean “no”. At first glance, this seems nice and considerate. But in the long run, this behavior can be unhealthy.

    What is behind People Pleasing?

    There are often deeper fears behind the desire to please everyone. Many people pleasers are afraid of rejection or conflict. They want to be loved and recognized and believe that they can only achieve this if they are always friendly and don’t cause any trouble.

    This behavior can be learned as early as childhood. If we only received praise as children when we were well-behaved and conformed, this pattern can continue into adulthood.

    The consequences of people pleasing

    If we are constantly trying to fulfill the expectations of others, our own needs fall by the wayside.

    This often leads to people pleasers being exhausted or feeling emotionally drained. They do a lot for others, but often don’t get the same recognition in return. In the long term, this can lead to frustration and even depression.

    Another problem is that people pleasers are often not authentic. They pretend to please others and suppress their own desires and opinions. As a result, they feel empty inside or have the feeling that they are not themselves.

    How to recognize people pleasing

    People who often “people please” show typical behaviors:

    1. they say yes to everything – even if they don’t have the time or inclination.

    2. they are afraid of conflict and avoid any confrontation.

    3. they are constantly looking for confirmation and feel bad when they don’t get any.

    4. they put the needs of others before their own and feel guilty when they think about themselves.

    How can you break out of the pattern?

    The first step to overcoming people pleasing is to recognize it in the first place. Many people don’t even realize that they have this pattern because it is completely normal for them. Basically, we should all realize that it’s okay to reject something.

    It is important that we know and respect our own limits. This does not mean that we suddenly become selfish, but that we learn to take good care of ourselves.

    Here are a few tips on how to let go of people pleasing:

    1. set clear boundaries: Think about what you really want and learn to say “no” kindly but firmly.

    2. practise self-care: make sure that you regularly take time for yourself and do things that are good for you.

    3. accept that you can’t please everyone: It’s impossible to please everyone, and that’s okay. You are not responsible for the happiness of others.

    4. learn to deal with conflict: Conflicts are a part of life and it is important not to be afraid of them. They often even lead to better communication and more understanding.

    Conclusion

    People pleasing may seem like a friendly trait at first glance, but in the long run it harms us.

    It is important that we learn to recognize our own needs and not constantly orient ourselves to the expectations of others.

    A healthy level of self-care and setting boundaries helps us to lead a fulfilled and authentic life.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • The six basic feelings

    What they tell us and why they are important.

    Our emotions play a major role in our lives. They help us to understand the world around us and decide how we react to certain situations.

    There are six basic emotions that everyone knows: joy, sadness, fear, anger, disgust and surprise. These feelings have important functions and show us what is going on inside us. You may be familiar with the Disney movie “Everything is upside down”, which has become famous among therapists. It shows the interplay of emotions in a particularly vivid way. Maybe you’d like to watch it sometime, I really recommend it 🙂

    Sometimes, especially in phases of life with crises after difficult experiences or in extreme cases after so-called traumas, our feelings and their interplay can also get mixed up. This means that we either feel them very strongly or barely notice them. It is important to understand what each feeling means and how it can help us to deal with difficult situations better.

    The six basic emotions and their functions

    Similar to a color wheel, the basic feelings form the basic framework. All our emotional shades are mixed from them, so to speak. They are the ingredients of our emotional world 🙂

    1. joy

    Joy is the feeling that literally makes us happy. It shows us what is good for us and what we enjoy doing. When we feel joy, it is a sign that we are on the right path and that something good is happening in our lives. Related feelings: satisfaction, relief, pride, gratitude, curiosity, euphoria, ecstasy, a feeling of flow and much more. Last but not least, especially at the beginning of a relationship: infatuation 🙂 and in the course of love.

    2. sadness

    Sadness helps us to process losses. When we are sad, it shows that we are missing something that felt positive or someone (e.g. a person). Sadness gives us the opportunity to pause, reflect and say goodbye to things that are no longer there. Sadness should be processed in order to be able to say goodbye to it and take up life again. Related feelings: powerlessness, disappointment, loneliness, guilt, despair, nostalgia

    3. fear

    Fear is a protective feeling. It warns us of danger and helps us to be careful. Anxiety symptoms are often experienced as very intense, but are not dangerous even on a large scale. Many people who often experience anxiety also develop a so-called fear of anxiety. Sometimes anxiety is felt very intensely, especially if we have had traumatic experiences. In these cases, our body reacts as if there is an overwhelming danger, even though we are actually safe. Related feelings: apprehension, panic, insecurity, shame.

    4. anger

    Anger arises when we feel we have been treated unfairly or when something hurts us. It is a sure sign of a boundary violation and gives us the energy to defend ourselves or stand up for something that is important to us. If you often feel angry, you can deal with your social relationships and your own behavior or needs. Anger should not be pent up, but channeled. Related feelings: frustration, irritation, indignation, hatred

    5. disgust

    Disgust protects us from things that could harm us, such as spoiled food or dangerous situations. It helps us to stay healthy and keep us away from things that could harm us. However, disgust is also a strongly learned emotion that can be acquired. (e.g. aversion to spiders is often passed on from parents to children). This means that disgust also has a social component when certain groups avoid certain things. Related feelings: aversion, contempt, discomfort, disgust.

    6. shame

    Shame can tell us that we have done something wrong in a social context, for example that we have broken social rules. It also manifests itself when we think that other people might judge our own behavior or appearance negatively. It often leads to a desire to withdraw and hide. Related feelings: Embarrassment, embarrassment, guilt, self-doubt, humiliation, insecurity

    Emotions and traumatization

    After a traumatic experience, our emotions can become very confused. People who are traumatized experience often experience intense fear, anger or sadness. Sometimes they feel numb and hardly notice what is going on inside them. These reactions are normal, but it is important to find a way to deal safely with your feelings again. We will deal with the topic of traumatization in another article.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • Personality types

    – What they are and how they fit together

    Every person is different. We have different preferences, strengths and weaknesses. These differences are also known as personality types. Each personality type describes how someone sees, thinks and acts in the world.

    The four dimensions of personality

    There are many theories about personality types, but one of the best known is the model of Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and founder of analytical psychology. This model divides personality into four main dimensions:

    1. extraversion (E) vs. introversion (I)

    This describes whether someone gets their energy from the outside world (E) or from the inner world (I).

    – Extraverts love to be with others and actively experience the world. They feel good when they are the center of attention and experience a lot together. They draw energy from contact with others.

    – Introverts feel comfortable in quiet and solitude. They like to think and often need time for themselves to relax. They draw energy from withdrawing from others and therefore like to take time for themselves.

    2. sensing (S) vs. intuition (N)

    This dimension describes how someone absorbs information.

    – Sensing types focus on facts and details. They pay attention to what they see or hear directly and like to find practical solutions. They like to plan, create lists and work through them systematically.

    – Intuitive people tend to think abstractly and focus on the big picture. They look for patterns and new ideas. Planning is not their thing.

    3. thinking (T) vs. feeling (F)

    This describes how people make decisions .

    – Thinkers (T) use logic and reason to make decisions. They try to be objective and fair.

    – Feelers (F) focus more on their feelings and values. They attach great importance to harmony and ensuring that others are doing well.

    4. judging (J) vs. perceiving (P)

    This dimension shows how people organize their lives.

    – Judging types like it when everything is planned and organized. They feel comfortable when they are in control and things are organized.

    – Perceiving types are more spontaneous and flexible. They like to remain open to new possibilities and postpone decisions in order to have more freedom.

    How personality types fit together

    When two people meet in a relationship, two different personality types usually come together – not every personality type automatically harmonizes with every other. This can be a reason for ongoing conflicts.

    Here are some possible combinations 🙂

    – Extraverted and introverted: These opposites can attract each other, but tension can also arise. Extraverts often want to spend a lot of time with others, while introverts need peace and quiet. If both understand and respect this, they can get along well.

    – Sensing and intuition: These types think differently, which can lead to misunderstandings. Sensing types want clear facts, while intuitives like to talk about possibilities and ideas. It helps if both learn to appreciate the other’s point of view.

    – Thinkers and feelers: Thinkers tend to be factual and direct, while feelers pay attention to emotions and harmony. This combination can work well if both are prepared to respond to each other. Thinkers can learn to be more considerate, while Feelers learn to understand logical arguments better.

    – Judging and Perceiving: Judging types like to make plans, while Perceiving types prefer to be spontaneous. It can be difficult to find a common rhythm here. It helps if Judging types learn to be more flexible and Perceiving types accept that some things need to be planned.

    Conclusion: How personality types influence relationships

    The different personality types bring color but also potential for conflict into our interpersonal relationships. Opposites can attract each other, but they can also be challenging. It is important that we understand what makes us and others tick. Communication and mutual understanding are the key to getting along well.

    There are no “perfect” combinations. Every type can have a beautiful relationship with every other type if both are prepared to show consideration for each other and appreciate each other’s strengths. Differences are not an obstacle, but an opportunity to learn from each other and grow together

    In the following exercise you can get clues about your personality types:

    What personality type are you?

    Answer the following questions honestly. At the end, you will get a tendency as to which personality type you tend to be. Remember that there are no “right” or “wrong” answers – it’s about getting to know yourself better.

    1. where do you get your energy from?

    a) I feel good when I am with lots of people and actively involved in life.

    b) I need peace and quiet and time for myself to recharge my batteries.

    2. how do you deal with information?

    a) I pay attention to facts and details and prefer concrete information.

    b) I like to think about ideas and possibilities and look beyond the obvious.

    3. how do you make decisions?

    a) I use logic and think about what makes the most sense.

    b) I let my feelings and those of others flow into my decisions.

    4 How do you organize your life?

    a) I like to make plans and arrange things in advance.

    b) I like to remain spontaneous and flexible in order to react to new opportunities.

    Evaluation:

    Mostly a)

    You tend to have an extroverted (E), practical (S), thinking (T) and organized (J) personality. You actively approach other people, appreciate it when things are clear and logical, and like it when plans are made. In relationships, you value structure and clear communication. You can sometimes come across as very rational, which can lead to you overlooking your partner’s emotional needs. It can be helpful to leave room for spontaneity from time to time and to be more responsive to others’ feelings.

    Mostly b)

    You tend to have an introverted (I), intuitive (N), feeling (F) and spontaneous (P) personality. You like to think calmly, are open to new ideas and let your feelings guide you. In relationships, you are often empathetic and pay attention to harmony. However, it can be difficult for you to organize yourself or make decisions. Your partner may sometimes find it chaotic if you don’t pay as much attention to plans. Try to find a balance between spontaneity and structure.

    Reference to relationships:

    Depending on which personality type you are, this will influence how you interact with your partner or in friendships. People with a clear sense of organization, for example, can harmonize well with someone who is flexible – if both are willing to learn from each other. Those who are more emotional can help to create more depth and understanding in the relationship, while logical thinkers ensure clear communication.

    In relationships, it is important to recognize and appreciate the differences between personality types. Opposites can complement each other well if both partners are open to accepting the other for who they are.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • Beliefs and their origins

    – How they shape our lives and how we can change them

    Beliefs are deeply rooted convictions that we develop in the course of our lives. They influence how we see ourselves and the world around us. You could also say that they are the operating system of our brain; therapists also refer to them as basic assumptions, which form the basis of all our thought constructs like a “thought foundation” .

    Beliefs can support us – or stand in our way. Negative and dysfunctional beliefs in particular have a major influence on our self-image and our relationships.

    Source: flickr.com/ Dennis Skley

    What are beliefs and how do they arise?

    Beliefs are usually formed in childhood and adolescence. They are formed through our experiences, i.e. what our parents, teachers or friends tell us, and through the way we interact with the world. A simple example of a positive belief would be: “I am valuable.” A negative belief could be: “I am not good enough.”

    Our beliefs act like a pair of glasses through which we view the world. For example, if we have internalized the belief “I will always fail”, we will have exactly this expectation in many situations – even if the reality is completely different. Such beliefs can block us and cause us to sabotage ourselves.

    Negative and dysfunctional beliefs

    Dysfunctional beliefs are convictions that limit us in our lives. They can arise from traumatic experiences, criticism or repeated failures. Examples of such beliefs are

    – “I am not worthy of being loved.”

    – “I will always fail.”

    – “Other people are not trustworthy.”

    These beliefs often lead to negative feelings such as fear, guilt or shame. They prevent us from taking on new challenges or having fulfilling relationships.

    How to change beliefs

    Recognizing and changing dysfunctional beliefs is a central component of many therapeutic approaches, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). CBT is about identifying our negative thought patterns and replacing them with positive, more realistic beliefs.

    The first step is to become aware of your beliefs. They are often so deeply rooted in us that we no longer question them. One question you can ask yourself is: “What do I believe about myself in this situation?”

    Once a belief has been identified, it helps to question it. Is it really true that I “always fail”? Can’t I also find situations in which I was successful? By asking ourselves these questions, we loosen the power that these beliefs have over us.

    Exercise for couples: recognizing beliefs in the relationship

    Beliefs play a major role in our relationships. They influence how we perceive and communicate with each other. Based on our operating system, we create a kind of manual for how we see and evaluate ourselves and our partner in relationships.

    The following exercise will help you explore your beliefs and share your common convictions:

    Step 1: Each partner sits down in a quiet place and writes down two or three beliefs they have about relationships in general or about their own partnership. Examples could be:

    – “If I open up, I get hurt.”

    – “My partner should always know how I’m doing without me having to tell them.”

    Step 2: Talk about these beliefs. Make sure you listen without judging. Ask each other: “Where does this belief come from? What could be the origin?”

    Step 3: Consider together whether these beliefs are good for the relationship or whether they are perhaps a hindrance. Are there any beliefs that you would like to change together?

    Step 4: Develop positive, supportive beliefs that you would like to adopt as a couple. Examples could be:

    – “We can both be vulnerable and talk about it.”

    – “I can trust my partner and ask him openly for support.”

    This exercise helps couples to delve deeper into their relationship dynamics and develop beliefs that strengthen trust and closeness.

    Conclusion

    Beliefs shape our lives in many different ways. Dysfunctional beliefs in particular can have a negative impact on our well-being and relationships. However, through conscious reflection and with the help of therapeutic techniques, we can change these beliefs and lead a more fulfilling life. This exercise for couples shows how beliefs also play a role in relationships – and how we can change them for the better together.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • Imposter syndrome

    When we feel like a fraud

    Have you ever had the feeling that you don’t deserve your success? Or that you will “blow your cover” at some point because others realize that you are not as good as they think you are?

    It is precisely this feeling that describes the Imposter Syndrome. It means that people constantly feel that they are not good enough, despite their obvious successes and abilities. They feel like “imposters” who have not earned their success.

    The negative basic assumptions behind the Imposter Syndrome

    Imposter syndrome is often caused by deeply rooted negative beliefs about oneself. People with this syndrome often have thoughts such as:

    – “I’m not really as good as the others think I am.”

    – “I was just lucky.”

    – “At some point, they realize that I can’t do that much.”

    The role of emotions in Imposter syndrome

    These negative thoughts lead to strong emotions that can put a strain on everyday life:

    – Fear: The fear that others will find out the “truth” about their alleged inability.

    – Shame: They feel ashamed because they think they don’t deserve their success.

    – Stress: They are constantly trying to achieve even more in order to prove to others (and themselves) that they are good enough.

    The connection between Imposter Syndrome and self-esteem

    People who experience Impostor Syndrome often have low self-esteem. They measure their worth by what they achieve and how others see them. But self-worth should not depend on being perfect or meeting all expectations. Our value as a person is independent of external successes. If we strengthen our self-esteem, we can also overcome the negative thoughts of impostor syndrome.

    Tips and exercises to combat imposter syndrome

    1. recognize your successes:

    People with feelings of impostor often tend to minimize their successes. One exercise that can help is to keep a success diary. Write down every day what you have done well. This will help you to better recognize your abilities and achievements.

    2. talk about it:

    It can be very relieving to talk to someone about these feelings. Whether with friends, family or a coach – you often realize that you are not alone. Many successful people have similar doubts. It helps to realize that such thoughts are normal and have nothing to do with reality.

    3. question your negative thoughts:

    The next time you think you’re just lucky or not good enough, ask yourself: Is there any evidence for this? Or is there perhaps much more evidence that you are successful because of your skills? Realize that thoughts are often not true and that you can learn to give them less power.

    4. work on your self-esteem:

    A good exercise for more self-esteem is to say at least three things to yourself every day that you value about yourself – regardless of external successes. For example: “I am empathetic”, “I am a good listener” or “I am courageous”. These qualities make you valuable, not just what you achieve.

    Conclusion

    Imposter syndrome can make life difficult because it plunges us into constant self-doubt and anxiety. But it is important to understand that it has nothing to do with reality, but arises from low self-esteem. If we learn to recognize our successes, talk openly about our feelings and strengthen our self-esteem, we can gradually overcome Imposter Syndrome.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team