PaarGespräch

Category: Self-care

  • People pleasing

    People Pleasing – Why it harms us to want to please everyone

    People pleasing is a term that describes when someone wants to please everyone. Such people try to fulfill the expectations of others without paying attention to their own needs. They often say “yes” even when they actually mean “no”. At first glance, this seems nice and considerate. But in the long run, this behavior can be unhealthy.

    What is behind People Pleasing?

    There are often deeper fears behind the desire to please everyone. Many people pleasers are afraid of rejection or conflict. They want to be loved and recognized and believe that they can only achieve this if they are always friendly and don’t cause any trouble.

    This behavior can be learned as early as childhood. If we only received praise as children when we were well-behaved and conformed, this pattern can continue into adulthood.

    The consequences of people pleasing

    If we are constantly trying to fulfill the expectations of others, our own needs fall by the wayside.

    This often leads to people pleasers being exhausted or feeling emotionally drained. They do a lot for others, but often don’t get the same recognition in return. In the long term, this can lead to frustration and even depression.

    Another problem is that people pleasers are often not authentic. They pretend to please others and suppress their own desires and opinions. As a result, they feel empty inside or have the feeling that they are not themselves.

    How to recognize people pleasing

    People who often “people please” show typical behaviors:

    1. they say yes to everything – even if they don’t have the time or inclination.

    2. they are afraid of conflict and avoid any confrontation.

    3. they are constantly looking for confirmation and feel bad when they don’t get any.

    4. they put the needs of others before their own and feel guilty when they think about themselves.

    How can you break out of the pattern?

    The first step to overcoming people pleasing is to recognize it in the first place. Many people don’t even realize that they have this pattern because it is completely normal for them. Basically, we should all realize that it’s okay to reject something.

    It is important that we know and respect our own limits. This does not mean that we suddenly become selfish, but that we learn to take good care of ourselves.

    Here are a few tips on how to let go of people pleasing:

    1. set clear boundaries: Think about what you really want and learn to say “no” kindly but firmly.

    2. practise self-care: make sure that you regularly take time for yourself and do things that are good for you.

    3. accept that you can’t please everyone: It’s impossible to please everyone, and that’s okay. You are not responsible for the happiness of others.

    4. learn to deal with conflict: Conflicts are a part of life and it is important not to be afraid of them. They often even lead to better communication and more understanding.

    Conclusion

    People pleasing may seem like a friendly trait at first glance, but in the long run it harms us.

    It is important that we learn to recognize our own needs and not constantly orient ourselves to the expectations of others.

    A healthy level of self-care and setting boundaries helps us to lead a fulfilled and authentic life.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • Imposter syndrome

    When we feel like a fraud

    Have you ever had the feeling that you don’t deserve your success? Or that you will “blow your cover” at some point because others realize that you are not as good as they think you are?

    It is precisely this feeling that describes the Imposter Syndrome. It means that people constantly feel that they are not good enough, despite their obvious successes and abilities. They feel like “imposters” who have not earned their success.

    The negative basic assumptions behind the Imposter Syndrome

    Imposter syndrome is often caused by deeply rooted negative beliefs about oneself. People with this syndrome often have thoughts such as:

    – “I’m not really as good as the others think I am.”

    – “I was just lucky.”

    – “At some point, they realize that I can’t do that much.”

    The role of emotions in Imposter syndrome

    These negative thoughts lead to strong emotions that can put a strain on everyday life:

    – Fear: The fear that others will find out the “truth” about their alleged inability.

    – Shame: They feel ashamed because they think they don’t deserve their success.

    – Stress: They are constantly trying to achieve even more in order to prove to others (and themselves) that they are good enough.

    The connection between Imposter Syndrome and self-esteem

    People who experience Impostor Syndrome often have low self-esteem. They measure their worth by what they achieve and how others see them. But self-worth should not depend on being perfect or meeting all expectations. Our value as a person is independent of external successes. If we strengthen our self-esteem, we can also overcome the negative thoughts of impostor syndrome.

    Tips and exercises to combat imposter syndrome

    1. recognize your successes:

    People with feelings of impostor often tend to minimize their successes. One exercise that can help is to keep a success diary. Write down every day what you have done well. This will help you to better recognize your abilities and achievements.

    2. talk about it:

    It can be very relieving to talk to someone about these feelings. Whether with friends, family or a coach – you often realize that you are not alone. Many successful people have similar doubts. It helps to realize that such thoughts are normal and have nothing to do with reality.

    3. question your negative thoughts:

    The next time you think you’re just lucky or not good enough, ask yourself: Is there any evidence for this? Or is there perhaps much more evidence that you are successful because of your skills? Realize that thoughts are often not true and that you can learn to give them less power.

    4. work on your self-esteem:

    A good exercise for more self-esteem is to say at least three things to yourself every day that you value about yourself – regardless of external successes. For example: “I am empathetic”, “I am a good listener” or “I am courageous”. These qualities make you valuable, not just what you achieve.

    Conclusion

    Imposter syndrome can make life difficult because it plunges us into constant self-doubt and anxiety. But it is important to understand that it has nothing to do with reality, but arises from low self-esteem. If we learn to recognize our successes, talk openly about our feelings and strengthen our self-esteem, we can gradually overcome Imposter Syndrome.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team