PaarGespräch

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  • The “Want Match”

    An example from leadership psychology.

    The “Want Match” is a psychological concept used in the management and motivation of employees. The concept was developed by Mark Murphy, a well-known expert in leadership and motivation. It refers to matching people’s own personal wants and needs with their professional tasks and goals. When a “want match” is achieved, employees are happier, more motivated and more productive because they feel that their personal and professional desires are in harmony.

    Imagine an employee who would like to take on more responsibility because he or she wants to develop further and make a career. If the manager recognizes this and offers the employee a managerial position, a “want match” is created. Employees feel understood and valued, and their motivation increases.

    However, if there is no “want match”, e.g. if the employee is stuck in a position that does not match their wishes, this can lead to dissatisfaction and lower performance. The concept therefore emphasizes the importance of matching personal wishes with professional opportunities.

    The concept of Want Match can be easily transferred to the world of relationships, as relationships are also about matching the wishes and needs of both partners:

    If we want to be happy in our relationships, it is important to find out what each partner wants from the relationship and how and whether these are compatible. A “want match” in a partnership means that the expectations, needs and goals of both partners are in harmony or can at least be coordinated.

    Example of a Want Match:

    Let’s assume that one partner wants more emotional closeness and togetherness, while the other values more independence. A “want match” would be possible if both partners express these wishes and find a way to integrate both into the relationship – for example, by planning fixed times for togetherness, while each partner also has space for individual freedom.

    Why is this important?

    A lack of agreement on wishes and needs inevitably leads to conflict. If partners have different ideas about love, affection or common goals, this can lead to frustration, misunderstandings and even alienation.

    Your steps to the “Want Match”:

    1. open communication: Both partners must express their wishes and needs clearly so that the other can understand them.

    2. understanding and willingness to compromise: A “want match” often does not happen automatically. Sometimes compromises have to be found so that both partners get what they need.

    3. realistic expectations: In couples coaching or therapy, we often work on questioning unrealistic wishes and setting realistic goals that can be fulfilled in the relationship.

    Through this work, couples can achieve better harmony and satisfaction in their relationship, similar to how the “Want Match” concept increases satisfaction and motivation in a professional context.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

  • Let’s talk about sex, baby!

    Fantasies, kinks, fetishes…

    Sexuality is diverse, and there are many different ways in which people can experience their sexuality. You often hear terms like “kinks” and “fetishes”, but what do they actually mean? In this article, we’ll give you an overview of different types of sexual play. Have fun reading 🙂

    What are kinks?

    Kinks are sexual preferences or fantasies that lie outside of what is considered traditional sex. Everyone has different sexual preferences, and kinks are simply something that you personally enjoy or find arousing. An example of a kink would be playing with power and control, as in role play or so-called “BDSM” (bondage, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism).

    What are fetishes?

    A fetish is a particular type of kink in which a specific thing, object or body part triggers a strong sexual attraction. People with a fetish are often particularly attracted to a certain detail. For example, this could be a fetish for feet, leather or certain items of clothing such as stockings. For some people, a fetish is an important part of their sexual arousal.

    Other types of sexual play

    In addition to kinks and fetishes, there are many other ways to explore your own sexuality:

    – Role play: Here the partners slip into different roles, for example teacher-student, doctor-patient or other fantasies. The aim is to slip into a new role and have fun doing it.

    – BDSM: BDSM is a form of play in which power, control and sometimes pain are an important part of the experience. It is important that all participants set clear rules and boundaries and that all actions are based on mutual consent.

    – Sensual games: It can also simply be about experiencing new sensations, for example by touching, massaging or using soft fabrics or feathers. Such games can help to heighten the senses and experience a more intense feeling of closeness.

    Our sex-positive attitude: everything is allowed as long as it is consensual

    At PaarGespräch, we make it clear that – apart from criminal, harmful acts – there is no “right” or “wrong” way to experience sexuality. The important thing is that everyone involved has fun, feels safe and that everything is consensual. Sexuality is a personal thing and every preference is justified as long as it is respectful and based on mutual consent.

    Sexuality is a natural and beautiful part of life, and it’s perfectly fine if you like kinks, fetishes or other sexual play. There are no hard and fast rules – what matters is that you and your partner feel comfortable talking openly about your desires.

    Exercise for couples: discover your preferences!

    1. sit down together: Take your time in a calm, relaxed atmosphere.

    2. talk about your preferences: One by one, each of you share what you like sexually. These can be things you’ve tried before or new things that interest you. There are no wrong answers, and it’s important that you listen to each other without judging.

    3. create a “yes-no-maybe” list: Write the headings “Yes”, “No” and “Maybe” on three pieces of paper. Then write down the things you would like to try out in your sexuality. Things you definitely want to try go on the “Yes” list, things you’re not interested in go on the “No” list, and things you’re unsure about go on the “Maybe” list.

    4. exchange your lists: Compare your lists and talk about what you could try together. This helps to better understand your desires and gives you the opportunity to explore new things in your sexuality.

    5 Try it out: Once you’ve both agreed on something you’d like to try, make a plan for how you can implement it into your sex life. It’s not about trying everything right away, but about discovering new things step by step.

    This exercise can help you get closer and talk openly about your sexual needs. Sexuality is an important part of every relationship, and through communication you can make it even more beautiful and fulfilling.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from the PaarGespräch team

  • Relationships are diverse!

    And that’s a good thing 🙂

    There are many different ways in which people structure their relationships. The important thing is that both partners are happy and decide together what works best for them. In this article, we explain the most important types of relationship and why they all have their place.

    Monogamous relationship

    A monogamous relationship means that two people are together and only have a romantic or sexual relationship with this partner. This is the most common form of relationship in many parts of the world. The (usually idealized) idea behind it is that both partners give enough to each other and do not need other relationships.

    Sequential monogamy

    Sequential monogamy means that someone only has one partner at a time, but enters into several relationships in succession over the course of their life. This form of monogamy is very common in Western cultures. People are in a committed relationship for a while and when it ends, they start a new relationship with someone else. The new relationship often replaces the existing one, and infidelity and affairs are also common in monogamous cultures: on average, worldwide studies show that around 20-25% of people in monogamous relationships cheat at least once in the course of their lives.

    Some surveys and studies also give higher figures:

    – In men, the rate is often around 20-30%, while in women it is around 15-25%.

    – The differences between the sexes have become smaller in recent years, as women increasingly have similar figures to men.

    (Note: It is important to note that the actual rate may vary depending on the definition of “cheating” (emotional cheating, online affairs, physical affairs, etc.) and the willingness of respondents to answer honestly)

    The reasons for this are manifold and have already been looked at from an evolutionary-biological perspective in recent articles, for example. If you have any further questions, please contact your AI therapist at PaarGespräch!

    Open relationship

    In an open relationship, the partners are together in a relationship that is prioritized by both parties, but they have the freedom – depending on their mutual agreement – to also have romantic or sexual relationships with other people: So they go on dates together, to the swingers club or allow themselves the freedom to have individual trysts with people outside the relationship. It is important that both partners agree on this and set clear rules. Trust and open communication are very important here so that no misunderstandings arise.

    Polyamorous relationship

    In a polyamorous relationship, people have more than one romantic and/or sexual relationship at the same time. Unlike in an open relationship, all partners are emotionally connected and the relationships often have equal importance in the lives of the partners. Polyamory means that someone can love several people at the same time and that all the people involved know about it and agree. Here too, trust and communication are crucial.

    Is there a “right” kind of relationship?

    There is no “right” or “wrong” type of relationship. What works for some does not necessarily work for everyone. Some people feel most comfortable in a monogamous relationship, others prefer an open relationship or polyamory. Sequential monogamy shows that many people have several relationships over the course of their lives, but are still faithful to one partner at a time. It is important that both partners feel comfortable in their relationship and talk openly with each other.

    PaarGespräch’s position on this topic:

    PaarGespräch stands for the absolute openness to try out and accept different forms of relationships. Every relationship is unique and it is important that people find what works for them. Whether monogamous, open, polyamorous or sequentially monogamous – all forms of relationship have their place as long as respect, love and honesty are at the forefront.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best, your team from PaarGespräch

  • Our brain and the long-term monogamous relationship

    About biology, monogamy and much more

    Many people wonder why we often enter into monogamous relationships. Why do many couples stay together for many years? There are both biological and social reasons for this.

    What happens in the brain?

    When we are with someone for a long time, our brain releases hormones that help us to form a deep bond. The most important hormones here are oxytocin and vasopressin. These are often referred to as ‘bonding hormones’.

    – Oxytocin: Also known as the “cuddle hormone” 🙂 This hormone is often released when we are physically or emotionally close to our partner – for example when cuddling or during a nice conversation. It gives us a feeling of security and trust.

    – Vasopressin: This hormone helps us to build a long-term bond. It reinforces the feeling that we belong to someone.

    In Mark Manson’s book Everything is Fcked: A Book About Hope*, he talks about how our minds are constantly searching for meaning and hope. Relationships, especially long-term ones, often give us this kind of stability and purpose in life. They offer us emotional security.

    What happens in the brain at the beginning of a relationship
    – or even an affair?

    Things are different at the beginning of a new relationship or in an affair. Other hormones play a greater role here, especially dopamine.

    – Dopamine: This hormone creates a strong feeling of excitement and happiness. It is often referred to as the ‘reward hormone’ because it gives us the feeling that something new or exciting is happening. When we are newly in love or having an affair, our brain releases a lot of dopamine. This is the reason why new relationships often seem so exciting and intense.

    The hormone adrenaline also plays a role. It makes us alert and makes our heart beat faster when we are excited or take a risk. In an affair, which is often secret, this thrill can be particularly strong.

    Why do infidelities occur?

    Simply put, some people have affairs or infidelities because they want to feel that sense of excitement and high from dopamine. In long-term relationships, where oxytocin and vasopressin dominate, this feeling of excitement and passion will naturally diminish. The relationship feels safe and familiar, but not as exciting as it was in the beginning.

    In a new relationship with an unknown person, people experience the same “thrill” again that they had at the beginning of a relationship. An affair can bring back this feeling of adventure because the brain releases a lot of dopamine again. But this feeling is often only temporary.

    What does evolution have to say about this?

    Some scientists say that monogamy is not necessarily “natural” for humans. In the book Sex – The True Story by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha, it is explained that our early ancestors probably lived in groups where there were multiple sexual partners. This theory calls into question whether we are biologically “programmed” for monogamy.

    But this does not mean that monogamy is “wrong” per se. Female Choice explains that women’s sexual choices and behavior have played an important role in evolution. Women often make conscious decisions about who to procreate with based on what works best for them and their family. Monogamous relationships can therefore be a strategy to ensure that their offspring are well cared for.

    Conclusion

    Although our brains help us to form close bonds and monogamy can give us security, it is important to understand the diversity of human relationships. People are constantly evolving – both biologically and emotionally. It is important that couples talk about this and find ways together to maintain passion and closeness in long-term relationships. This will not always be the case automatically. What you find out together with your partner with PaarGespräch will be your individual relationship model: Relationships are different and what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for everyone.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • Sex in long-term relationships

    Development or standstill?

    Sex life can change in a long-term relationship. Many couples experience that spontaneous passion diminishes after a while. However, this does not mean that sex is automatically lost in a long-term relationship. On the contrary – it can develop further if both partners actively work on it.

    Why is your sex life changing?

    In the first months or years of a relationship, everything is exciting and new. Sexual attraction is often very strong. Everything is new and exciting and still a little uncertain – dopamine levels are high. But as time goes on, everyday life becomes more important, and ocytoxin, the bonding hormone, takes the place of adrenaline and dopamine. The result: spontaneous sexual tension can diminish. Stress, routines or physical changes can also play a role here.

    But that doesn’t mean that sex is becoming less important. It just changes. Couples who have been together for a long time should consciously work on their intimacy. This can mean making time for each other, trying out new things and – above all – talking to each other about their desires and needs.

    Sex is active cooperation

    Sex in a long-term relationship is not like at the beginning, where everything happens almost automatically. Couples need to create time and space for their physical closeness. First of all, this means that both partners should be willing to develop their sexual relationship: If one person in the relationship isn’t interested in sharing, it’s going to be very difficult! It’s not just about the physical act, but also about staying emotionally close as a couple.

    It is important to talk openly about sex. The experience of our work at PaarGespräch shows this: Many remain silent out of fear or insecurity. But talking about desires, fears and fantasies can strengthen the bond. This means that sex is an area of the relationship that needs to be nurtured – just like everything else. After all, we also take time to plan our lunch or our vacation – so why not our sex life?

    Exercise: Talk about your sex life

    1. sit down together in peace – take at least 30 minutes in which you will not be disturbed.

    2. everyone speaks in turn – one person starts and tells how he or she is experiencing their current sex life. What is going well? How does the person currently feel about sex as a couple? With monogamy? Where might there be uncertainties? Are there any desires? Or perhaps a long-held fantasy?

    3. the other person listens actively – no interruptions, just listen and try to understand. You are also welcome to take notes so that you don’t forget anything.

    4 Exchange ideas!
    Once you have both been able to make your statements in peace, you can talk together about what you each heard and understood. Did you really understand each other? Are there any ambiguities?

    Only then can you pick out points that you might want to change or what is particularly important to you.

    This exercise can help you to talk about sex in a relaxed atmosphere. It’s about talking to each other openly and without pressure and working on your intimacy together.

    Conclusion

    Sex in long-term relationships does not have to become less important. With a little effort, open discussions and a willingness to try out new things, the sexual connection can remain alive for many years – with the support of PaarGespräch, this exchange can also take place together with our AI therapist.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • Trust – but real trust!

    Trust and pseudo-trust: What’s the difference?

    Trust is an important part of our lives. Without trust, relationships and communities cannot function well. But not everything that looks like trust is real trust. Sometimes we deceive ourselves and think we trust, when in reality it’s just “pseudo-trust”. In this article, we take a closer look at what real trust is and what it is not. We refer to two well-known experts: Esther Perel and Rachel Botsman.

    What is trust?

    Trust means that we can rely on someone. It means that we believe the other person will not deliberately hurt or disappoint us. Trust is therefore something very valuable and fragile. Once destroyed, it takes a lot of energy to rebuild it.

    Couples therapist Esther Perel speaks of “first trust”. We often acquire this first trust in childhood when we rely on our parents or caregivers. This trust is the basis for being able to trust other people later on. The German term for this is “Urvertrauen”. This original trust shapes our entire life. Basically, this is a wonderful thing and is the basis for healthy basic assumptions such as “I can rely on others”.

    However, the concept of first trust always presents us with a problem when our partner behaves in a hurtful way. This is when many a relationship partner hits rock bottom.

    What is pseudo-trust?

    The trust we have is not always genuine trust. Sometimes we live our relationships in so-called “pseudo-trust”. We think we trust someone, but in reality we do not. Instead, we assume that the person we are in a relationship with will NEVER hurt us. The psychological background to this may be that we don’t actually feel safe, but simply pretend that everything is fine. Pseudo-trust can arise because we want to avoid conflict or are afraid of being hurt. Esther Perel describes: ” In relationships, trust isn’t a promise to never hurt each other. It’s the risk that we will hurt each other and the confidence that, if we do, we will come together to heal.” This can be translated roughly as follows: “(Genuine) Trust in a relationship does not mean that you promise never to hurt the other person. Rather, it is about being aware that you could hurt each other, but trusting that you will then work together to heal the wounds. ” You can find out exactly what Esther Perel describes here below:

    Trust expert Rachel Botsman has developed an interesting concept for this. She says that real trust consists of small “moments of trust”. This means that real trust is not something that is there all at once and then stays. Rather, it is built up in small steps. Whenever someone shows us that we can trust them, our trust grows. Rachel Botsman emphasizes that real trust is based on honesty and openness.

    The difference between trust and pseudo-trust

    The difference between trust and pseudo-trust lies in how honest and open we really are. With real trust, we feel safe because the other person shows us that they are honest. Pseudo-trust arises when we try to overlook problems or avoid conflicts.

    Trust means:

    – Honesty

    – Security

    – Openness

    means pseudo-trust:

    – Avoidance of conflicts

    – Uncertainty

    – Insincerity

    How can we build real trust?

    To build real trust, we must be willing to be honest, even if it is uncomfortable. It means admitting mistakes to ourselves and others and talking about our feelings. Trust grows when we show each other that we are reliable.

    Trust is not something that is simply there – it is built up step by step. If we repeatedly show each other in small moments that we can rely on each other, real trust grows.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • Roles, duties and budget…

    And what about your own needs?

    There are many tasks in a relationship. These include the household, raising the children and your own wishes and needs. To ensure that everyone in the family is happy, it is important to distribute the tasks well. At PaarGespräch, we have made it our mission to work with you on how you can share these tasks fairly. Our therapeutic basis for this is the so-called “differentiation-based” approach:

    What is differentiation-based couples therapy?

    Differentiation-based couples therapy helps couples to remain strong as individuals while they are in a relationship . This means that each partner is allowed to keep their own wants and needs, but is still there for the relationship and the family. It is about the balance between I and We.

    Couples learn how to distribute roles and tasks in such a way that each can fulfill their own needs without neglecting the other.

    The little ones – raising children as a mega construction site

    When couples have children, life changes completely. The question of who takes care of the children becomes important. Traditionally, mothers took more care of the children, but today many couples want to share this task. At PaarGespräch, we emphasize that it is important for both partners to be involved in raising the children. This way, no one feels overwhelmed and the children experience both parents as equal caregivers. It is very important that each parent can contribute their own strengths and skills to the upbringing !

    Here are some specific tips:

    Regular conversations: Sit down together regularly and discuss how things are going with raising the children. Are there areas where one of you is taking on too much? Who can provide more support with certain tasks, such as homework, sports or leisure activities?

    Clear responsibilities: Divide up certain tasks. For example, one of you can take the children to school and the other can pick them up. If you have clear responsibilities, everyone knows what needs to be done.

    Daily or weekly schedule: Draw up a plan in which you write down who is doing what task and when, e.g. bath time, homework supervision or doctor’s appointments. This helps to avoid misunderstandings.

    Split parental leave: Even in difficult situations such as illness or bedtime, it is important that both parents are involved. Agree on how you can take turns to avoid overwork.

    Pay attention to each other: Pay attention to whether one of you feels overloaded. If this is the case, discuss together how the other can help out.

    The little bit of household

    Household chores are another important point in any relationship. Who does the laundry? Who makes the meals? These questions can lead to conflict if they are not discussed.

    PaarGespräch helps couples to divide tasks fairly without one of the partners feeling disadvantaged. It’s not just about splitting the work 50/50, but also about ensuring that the roles are flexible. For example, one partner can do more around the house one day because the other has had a stressful day. It’s important to talk about expectations of each other and make sure everyone can express their needs.

    Concrete tips:

    Joint planning: Make a list of all household tasks (e.g. cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry). Discuss who can take on which task based on your strengths and preferences. If one of you prefers to cook, you might take over the kitchen more often, while the other takes care of the bathroom. Anything is ok as long as it’s ok for both of you!

    Flexible distribution of tasks: Be flexible if one of you can do more or less. If one of you has had a stressful day, the other can take on more household chores and vice versa. It is important that you remain open to change.

    Use technology: Use apps or simple calendars to record tasks. This can help you keep an overview and organize the distribution of tasks fairly.

    Set cleaning and tidying days: You can set fixed days per week or month on which you do the housework together. This way, the work is shared and no one feels solely responsible.

    Step in when needed: If one of you is unable to complete a task, it is important that the other person steps in without discussion. This support strengthens the sense of togetherness.

    Attention: Don’t forget your own needs

    It often happens in a relationship that the partners focus so much on everyday life, the household and the children that they forget their own needs. At Paargespräch, we emphasize how important it is that everyone has time for themselves. Both partners should be allowed to make space for their own hobbies and interests. This is the only way to keep the relationship healthy and both partners happy.

    Differentiation-based couples therapy teaches each partner how to remain true to themselves without hurting the other. It is important to create space for each other without one partner feeling neglected. Both partners should support each other in pursuing their own dreams.

    Concrete tips:

    Create free space: Both partners should consciously take time for themselves. This could mean, for example, that one of them goes to the gym alone for a few hours at the weekend or pursues a hobby while the other looks after the children.

    Schedule personal time: Determine when each of you has time for yourselves. Write these times in a shared calendar to avoid misunderstandings. If everyone knows when the other person needs time for themselves, this can avoid stress.

    Support in realizing goals: If one of you is pursuing personal goals, such as further training or a new hobby, support each other. The other can then take on additional tasks for this time so that everyone can develop further.

    Communicate about needs: Talk openly about what you need. Whether it’s more time for yourselves or more time together – only if you share your wishes can you find solutions that work for both of you.

    Schedule couple time: In addition to your own time, you should also plan time as a couple. Deliberately do something together, without the children or other distractions, to strengthen your bond with each other.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • Long-term relationships and self-realization

    How relationships change and why personal goals are important.

    A long-term relationship can be very beautiful and fulfilling. But over time, both the relationship and the people in it change. An important aspect of being happy in a long-term relationship is the balance between the relationship and self-fulfillment. But why is this so important? And how does a relationship develop over time?

    Why is self-fulfillment important in a long-term relationship?

    Self-realization means that each person can pursue their own goals and dreams. In a good relationship, it is important that both partners not only feel comfortable in the relationship, but can also develop as individuals. If one of you feels like you have to give yourself up for the relationship, this can lead to dissatisfaction.

    self-realization of the partners:

    Personal happiness: Each of you has your own goals and dreams. When these are fulfilled, you are happier and more satisfied – and this has a positive effect on the relationship.

    A breath of fresh air for the relationship: When both partners pursue their interests, they constantly bring new ideas and experiences into the relationship. This makes your partnership exciting. Couples often experience a high time, especially sexually, when both are allowed to pursue their own goals.

    Maintain balance: If each of you keeps your own identity, the relationship remains in balance. Neither of you becomes emotionally or practically dependent on the other.

    Long-term happiness: A relationship in which both partners can realize themselves has a better chance of remaining happy for a long time.

    How do long-term relationships generally develop?

    Long-term relationships change over time. There are different phases that you go through together. In each phase, there are changes that strengthen and adapt the relationship.

    1. the infatuation phase: It all starts with romance. You are excited to discover each other and everything feels intense. In this phase, you are often completely focused on each other.

    2 Everyday life and routine: No matter how stormy the beginning was, everyday life becomes more important over time. This shows how you master everyday life together without losing closeness and affection. Self-realization is also important here. If each of you has time for your own interests, this will strengthen your relationship.

    3. reality check and first crises: After a while, you realize that the other person is not perfect. Conflicts may arise between your handbook of the other person and your own basic assumptions and needs. Now it is important to talk to each other and solve problems together. This is the time when CoupleTalk can enter your lives 🙂

    4. growth and change: Over the years, you will grow together and perhaps experience big changes, such as changing jobs, having children, moving house or getting older. It is important that you support each other through this and at the same time leave room for your own development.

    5. rediscovery: In later phases, you can rediscover each other. After many years, you know exactly what the other person needs and appreciates. Now the relationship is deep and familiar.

    How can you balance self-realization and relationships?

    It’s not always easy to find the right balance between your relationship and your self-fulfillment. Here are a few tips that can help you:

    1. talk openly: Talk regularly about your dreams, wishes and goals. For example, do the relationship wheel regularly. This way you avoid misunderstandings and can support each other.

    2. goals for you as a couple and as individuals: It is important to have common goals, but also to pursue your own goals. Both need space in your lives.

    3. time for yourself: Each of you should make time to pursue your own interests. This could be a hobby, further training or simply time for yourself.

    4. support each other: show interest in each other’s goals and help each other to achieve them. If you support each other, you can grow together.

    5 Stay flexible: Over time, your needs may change. Be open to change and adapt to new situations as a couple.

    Conclusion

    Long-term relationships are special because they can offer deep love and a strong connection. But they also require work and adjustment. Self-realization is very important to stay happy. If each of you can go your own way and have a strong relationship at the same time, your partnership will remain vibrant and fulfilling. A healthy long-term relationship is a balance of personal growth and life together – and that’s what makes it so beautiful.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • Exercise The safe place

    An exercise for emotional support, especially for feelings of anxiety

    1. sit comfortably and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths in and out of your belly. Relax one body: your legs, your arms, your face.

    2. imagine a place where you feel absolutely safe and comfortable. This can be a real place, like your favorite place in nature, or a fantasy place that you make up.

    3. think about how this place looks, smells, sounds and feels. Perhaps you hear birdsong, feel the warm sand under your feet or smell fresh flowers.

    4. stay in this imagination for a few minutes. Enjoy your safe place. Perhaps you can feel your body relaxing further.

    5. when you are ready, slowly open your eyes and come back to the here and now.

    If you like, record your safe place by drawing it or memorize a certain gesture that can remind you of your safe place.

    This exercise can help you to calm down again in stressful or frightening moments, because you always have your safe place with you.

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team

  • The 5 languages of love

    How couples can understand each other better

    Everyone shows and feels love in different ways. Sometimes couples have the feeling that they don’t really understand each other, even though they love each other. The reason for this could be that they speak “different languages of love”. This idea comes from Dr. Gary Chapman, an American anthropologist and couples therapist, who discovered five different ways in which people express and receive love. He called these ways the five languages of love.

    The five languages of love

    1. words of appreciation: Some people feel especially loved when they hear compliments or kind words. A simple “I love you” or “Thank you for doing so much for me” can show them how important they are.

    2. togetherness: It is important for others to spend time together . This is not just about being together, but about giving your partner your full attention – without distractions.

    3. gifts: Small gifts or tokens of appreciation can send a strong message. It is not about the value of the gift, but about the fact that you have thought of the other person.

    4. helpfulness: Some people feel loved when their partner helps them in everyday life, be it with the washing up or other tasks. These acts show that you are there for each other.

    5. physical touch: For many, physical closeness – such as sex, hugs, kisses or simply holding hands – is the most important way to feel love.

    How can you discover your partner’s love language?

    Everyone has a preferred love language that means the most to them. If you know your partner’s language, you can show them your love in a way that makes them especially happy. Here’s a simple exercise for you to do as a couple:

    Exercise: Discover your love languages

    1. talk to each other

    Sit down together and read through the five love languages. Think about which language appeals to you the most. Maybe you speak several languages 🙂 What does the other person do that makes you particularly happy? What do you perhaps miss?

    2. share your thoughts

    Talk openly about your favorite love language. It can sound like this: “I feel very loved when you help me because it shows that you’re thinking of me” or “I really appreciate it when we just spend time together.”

    3. try it out

    Over the next week, try to speak each other’s love language. If your partner values togetherness, plan an activity together where you spend time together. If he is happy about words of appreciation, give him a small compliment every day.

    4. reflect at the end of the week

    At the end of the week, sit down together again and talk about how you felt. What did you particularly enjoy? What can you improve on in the future? Give this exercise a try – it could take your relationship to a whole new level!

    Would you also like to talk openly with your partner about your wishes and needs and work on your relationship together?

    Then get the app now and start today!

    All the best from your PaarGespräch team